can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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