My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
