I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
