Don't you send me to vm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
