I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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