I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
