Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
