If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
