I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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