You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
