How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
