It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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