haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
True college students do jello shots in the library
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize