I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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