Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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