we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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