No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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