I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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