found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
