you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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