sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
