Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
