to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to calm my uterus...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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