if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
