I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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