That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
