I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
