He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
