YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
