does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
