No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you had me at cake vodka
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize