dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They have beer where we have blood.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
