Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
