Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
