So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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