I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
