kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
