she woke up with a sticky ear
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
