i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
