Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
