Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
