My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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