Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
