Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
