Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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