My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
