I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
