We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just made my gag reflex go away.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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