I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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