I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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