I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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