I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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