people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
