she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
