did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize