She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm getting married
To pizza
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
