I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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