I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
