I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want a musical about memes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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