Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
