you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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