Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
