i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
