piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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