dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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