I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
