WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
