life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
